Thursday, January 14, 2010

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Time Square

So today I walking through time square like I do everyday. Time Square, it's so wonderful it clears my head and shows me how truly lucky I am to be living in the greatest city in the world! Living in New York is like wining the lottery, it's just so damn beautiful here.

You see going to marymount, everybody thinks you're a snob but I'm not. I truly appreciate everything about life, especially since my dad died, he told me that everything in life is worth living all the pain and suffering just makes you really appreciate joy and happiness. He said " Living through pain makes you stronger and makes happiness better". I guess I know he means know.

When he died I thought the world had ended. He was my dad, there one minute gone that next. I was so depressed for at least 2 months, just sitting in my room, passing through every minute as if I weren't really there. I was completely out of it, just thinking of him all the time, everything he'd ever said to me, trying to think of all the times we were together, and then I thought about what he'd always said, about what it truly meant. Without pain there is no joy. That's it right there that's what he really meant. So I went outside and walked to time square it took a while but it was worth it, it really made me think. I had gone through something truly horrific and awful, I lost the most important man in my life. But, I couldn't just go home and mope I had to get out there and live my life. If not for me, but for him.

The pain I went through really does make happiness more happy it made me appreciate it more. I was finally out there enjoying myself appreciating life. So I started hanging out with my friends again and going out and actually start paying attention at school again. So I was living and because I was living I met the newest most important man in my life my beautifully understanding, caring boyfriend. So I'd like to thank the pain that brought me here to this place this place of pure happiness. That first day of going to time square, because of that day, of starting to live again, I now go to time square everyday. And that's what time square made me think about today about that time and how I truly learned to appreciate it.

I love you daddy!

Saturday, January 9, 2010


You took me to the stars,
as we stared above,
we looked into our hearts,
and saw pure love.
If you were ever to leave,
it would break me so,
the pain i would feel,
you could never know.
You held me in your arms,
whispering "I love you".
Some how I can't believe,
that you really do.
It doesn't make sense,
for you to love me.
I'm way to intense,
and you save me.
By seeing your face,
every single day,
I know that,
we'll forever,
be this way.
I love you,
I need you,
I can't live,
without you,
Don't leave me,
I promise to do;
what it takes,
just stay here,
forever at my side,
through the day,
through the night.
One day we'll go back,
see how they look,
take pictures,
put them in a book.
I'll always remember,
you,me and the stars.
Forever and ever,
they'll watch over us.

Thursday, January 7, 2010


Have you ever been in love? Like really in love not that fake I love you(even though we've only been dating 3 days). Like real head over heels burning passion love? It's the most amazing, frustrating thing. To want to be with someone so bad you don't care about anything else. When you're away from them it hurts like excruciating pain like being stabbed over and over and over in the chest. Just the thought of being away from them is such a burning pain. Always worried where they are what they're doing if they're OK? It's so hard and yet, so easy all at the same time. I just feel so overwhelmed by everything all the time, like I'm drowning all the time and I just keep getting dunked and pounded by hard rolling waves, and the only time I can breathe the only time I can pay attention is when they're around pulling me out of the water and helping me on to the sand just to leave at a certain time and leave me to go back into the water. It's stupid really, such a silly, pathetic little human emotion. It makes you do crazy things and you never realize or even stop to think about the consequences, you just do, whatever they do. If only there was an off switch, so that I could turn it off during the day, so I could concentrate but no. I have to feel this way all the time no matter what no matter when just waiting for the time to see them again. But it's not always bad the part about the excruciating pain, well, it's all worth it when he whispers or says or shouts I love you to know that he feels for you in the exact same way you feel for him though you could never believe he loved you any more than you loved him, it's just not possible. I love him, always will, forever.